Saturday, May 31, 2008

Thoughts on Sex and the City: The Movie (from someone who doesn't watch Sex and the City)




1. Which stylist ho hated SJP sooooo much that they put the same hideous metal-studded Hot Topic belt on her FOUR TIMES? 

2. Didn't Kim Cattrall used to have a neck? 

3. Actually, Cynthia Nixon could stand to donate some neck to Kim.

4. Speaking of Cynthia Nixon, I could not be convinced that Miranda she was EVER into that cutie pie Steve guy with Rojo Caliente lurking in my memory. During the six months she denied him sex, you know even her fictional character was getting some ginger lady lovin'. 

5. I don't know WHAT a husband would have to do wrong in order to deserve being dragged to this movie on opening day, but you can bet that the ones I saw did something BAD. Between the fact that every packed theater is a huge crazy lady-party, the close-up shots of guy ass, and the fact that 90% of the movie is an emotional hate-all-men-fest: that is some cruel and unusual punishment.

6. There's this a part where a mentally deranged monster-child suddenly bursts into the shot, screaming and roaring. I almost wet myself. That was like the damn Grudge or something. I wanted to rewind that shit 15 times. I don't know why the editors thought that was normal or okay.

7.  The greatest lesson learned, by far: yes, those four may be great friends, but mine are better. Why? If I wore any of those outfits in public, they would say, "You look FUCKING RETARDED. Go inside and CHANGE."

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