This is me.

I'm sorry the quality of this image is so poor, but I wanted to give you the most up-close and personal view of me right now. That's my dorm room. This is what happens to me when I START writing a paper at 4 in the morning that is due at 11...later...that same morning.

And then when I blog about it instead of actually writing it.

Yes. I turn into a thin, blond woman, and my dorm room gets WAY bigger, and I take off all my clothes. 

Kinda sexy. 

I fear I'm an academic masochist. For no reason at all, I push myself to the brink of complete failure and mental breakdown, only to churn out 4 page papers in the final 2 hours before they're due; then I race to the classroom and dramatically fling the shoddy work at my professor, deathly pale and covered in a thin film of sweat, with crazy in my eyes and dark circles under them. In between looooonnnng recovery naps, I anticipate the return of my grade and...oh goody! Somehow I haven't flunked out yet.

One day this is going to backfire on me. And it is not going to be pretty.

Let me take this moment to introduce to you a phrase my Georgia State friends coined:

LOL COLLEGE. 

It's what you say in moments like...well, this. 

I find it very useful. It beautifully and simplistically conveys the unique feeling you have during the complete mutiny of all your reason, clarity, and sanity. The kind of moments that are only possible in this glorious academic (cough) adventure we call college.

So let's use it properly, in the manner I'd likely employ in this particular situation:

"LOLOLOLOL I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT EATING TWIX AND PLAYING ON THE INTERNET AND NOW I HAVE TO WRITE A PAPER IN THE NEXT 7 HOURS AND NEVER SLEEP AND OH I ALSO HAVE TO DO AN ORAL FRENCH EXAM AT 9:30 AND NOT FAIL. LOL COLLEGE." 

Sometimes it packs more punch when said calmly and matter-of-factly. Here's another (fictional, yet probably not) example:

"I just took 90mg of Adderall, I'm hungover, I have a midterm in half an hour, and I've only been to that class twice. LOL COLLEGE."

And finally, most resigned and unfazed of all, the weekend version:

"I have no idea what happened last night and I can't find my pants. lol college."

So that covers that. Moving on... 

DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THOMAS HARRIOT OR MARY ROWLANDSON? BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL FUCKIN' DON'T!

LOL COLLEGE